Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
