don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
