I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
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