GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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