I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
