If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
not ubering you a puppy
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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