Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
