LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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