walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
