I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize