Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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