I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
