you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize