Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize