You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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