seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize