God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
