I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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