This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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