hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
