you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
be right there i have to get my cape
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
