I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
