new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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