It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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