Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
