Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
