youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We are all done wearing pants today
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
