never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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