So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
