I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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