so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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