We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
