i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Is it penis luge time yet?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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