All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
