Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
