She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize