I need to stop coming to work sober
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
