You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
