my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
