just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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