he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
