I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
