just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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