when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize