My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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