I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
