yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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