Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
