Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
operation harelip BJ is a go
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize