Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
