I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
