Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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