I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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