see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
