The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
