like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
