I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
