Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
