Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
