you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize