at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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