My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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