Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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