i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
