My liver just broke up with me...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
