My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have already put on my inside pants.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
