was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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