the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
