its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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