My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
